How to Support Your Teen when They’re Being Bullied
Is my child being bullied? That is a question many parents I see have. Today bullying does not just mean in person at school. Bullying now includes cyber bullying. Teens now can be made fun of in person in the hallways and online through Snapchat, Instagram, texting or some other form of social media.
Signs that your teen is being bullied could include being more reserved, withdrawing, sadness, anxiety, lower grades, perfectionism and avoidance of wanting to go to school. I know this is confusing because what I listed is basically what a teenager can look like. The big takeaway would be noticing if these behaviors have increased in any way and searching for any changes in behaviors.
It can be stressful from a parent perspective when your teen is being bullied. You want to protect them and if you have been bullied this can elicit emotions associated with your past. This is ok, and if this happens it is important to recognize your feelings and process them before talking to your teen.
How to best support your child:
Encourage them to talk to the administration at school and find out what policies the school has on bullying. Or let them know that you can talk to the school and maybe you both can go together. Let them know that you are there to support them and help advocate for their needs.
Be there to listen, normalize their emotions and empathize with them how this must feel for them. Try not to invalidate and tell them “it is not a big deal” or have a big reaction and say something like “you need to fix this!” Or “why would you not speak up?” Your teen will be more likely to react to your reaction. I know this can be challenging since you love your kid and obviously hearing someone is hurting them can be hard to hear. An example of being present and calm would look like letting them know you hear how they are feeling, that it is okay that they feel this way, ways they can engage in self care when at home and that you are here to listen when they feel like talking
Let them know that bullies are insecure themselves. Bullies will put other people down in order to feel better and elevate their own self-esteem. Let your teen know that when others bully it Is because they are struggling with their own self esteem and this is not a reflection of you teen “not being good enough,” or “ having something wrong with them.”
Help them set boundaries. Because the bully is looking for a reaction encourage your teen to say a statement such as “I am done talking to you.” Or “I am going to end this conversation.” If it is cyber bullying encourage them to make that statement and block them. Let them know it is ok to set boundaries with people who are not respecting your boundaries or putting you down.
Remind them of all the positive qualities they possess. It will not make the bullying words not hurt but it can help them feel better about themselves over all and make the negative words they are hearing not hurt as much or have as much of an impact on their overall self worth
Seeing your teen bullied or hurt by others is something no parent wants. If your teen is experiencing bullying feel free to reach out and we can work together to help her/him through his challenge. You can call us at 813-434-3639 to schedule an appointment with Jennifer Schaap LMFT.
